I thank you all for your encouraging support!
This Forum is truly an oasis of lucid sanity, in a desert of atavistic madness.
On the summer solstice (21-22 June), I suffered a severe nervous breakdown.
I declared to my mom Maria and my grandma (henceforth referred to as "Jabba") that I would commit suicide unless the suffocating standstill be turned around. I was screaming and yelling and crying like a madman. The day before I tried to strangle Maria in insane rage .... not with serious intent .... I just wanted to get away from her and everything .....
I was heavily depressed and frustrated at my inability to get a grip on my life. Plus the fact that Jabba keeps spreading lies about and driving wedges between my mom and me, with the deliberate intent to break us apart and turn us against each other
Jabba is the most evil, most cunning, most dangerous person I've ever encountered, and I'm not saying this out of disproportionate grudge. Without going into the details of her pathologic, compulsive, repulsive behaviour, in every respect she fits the textbook profile of a psychopathic series killer, a multipolar schizophrenic .... and a demonically possessed
Maria saw a distinct change in Jabba's eyes during one of her typical hateful fits: the white turned YELLOW, and the pupils became VERTICAL SLITS!
My dad's eyes underwent the same change whenever he turned violent against Maria. The German Nazi-Zionist landlord who tried to recruit us in Esquel, Argentina had the same eyes, too.
A Gnostic would have recognized immediately the subversive presence of the Archons
. In retrospective, I realize that Jabba, or "some force" working through her, manipulated me to gone insane and hurt my mom --- so that she would kill herself, and then I myself out of guilt
After the summer solstice episode, I wrote this apology post. I wanted to retreat for as long as my dangerous confusion prevailed. I wanted a direct message from the universe.
The message was delivered promptly.
What then followed, was a three-day research-and-writing rampage
which resulted in the Berlin Mega-Ritual
post. I wrote 20 hours non-stop without eating or leaving my room every day. The moment my concluding post was uploaded, I slipped into Morpheus' arms with thankful relief. Then dawned the Aurora Dreams
I'm also deeply relieved that the suggested 26 June Mega-Ritual
did not happen .... if it was planned to happen at all. 10 minutes after kickoff, German player no. 18 scored the first goal; the Canadian keeper no. 18 was dressed in blue-white. Germany won the match 2:1.
I have shared a considerable part of my journey through my posts, in the first place to understand where I come from, what I've been through, and where I may be heading.
Carlos Castaneda and Gurdjieff encouraged the sincere seeker to look out for a petty tyrant, in order to put all his/her cunning to the test. The seeker is to overcome the tyrant by analyzing his/her petty behaviour, find out weak and strong points, and make smart use of them.
My petty tyrants are my father and my grandma. They have shown me my own weak and strong points, and I have used their own against them. The summer solstice breakdown broke the spell they had over me. I showed my own vulnerability, and released my fear of getting hurt.
By realizing my human nature, I conquered the tyrants.
I keep reveiling my soul, for there is nothing to hide.
I keep opening my heart, for there is nothing to guard.
I keep sharing my self, for there is nothing to lose.
I wish to encourage anyone who may be reading this:
Unburden your moaning soul.
Unlock the treasure vault of your hardened heart.
Unveil the beatific beauty of your immaculate self.I wish everyone of you shall become a star in your own regard!